i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
