Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize