Non-Jews are for practice
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
