I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When are your genitals available?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
