i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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