I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
