How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
soo... how was my night?
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