Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
