I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
