Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
