Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
