I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
