Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
