There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
