Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
