genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
