I will die if light touches me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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