I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
