Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
