I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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