what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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