I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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