the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
