I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
