there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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