I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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