do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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