Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
