I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize