Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
