new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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