I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
