Is it because I queefed?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
