and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
