I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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