The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize