Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
