Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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