Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
