Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the liver wants what the liver wants
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
