sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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