so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
