Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
