They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
