38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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