oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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