It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
