I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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