It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
