You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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