i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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