if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am midnight drunk by noon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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