dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
