honey bunches of taint.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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