He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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