Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to make out with him forever
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
