My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
