I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
