i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
