Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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