office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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