I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
