I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
