My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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