She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
